This last weeks have brought me face to face with lots of decisions and fears, understandings and truths about my life and the choices made, lived and experienced. Sure, I guess I now wish that things were a little different though not regretting. I have created a fun, bizarre story in this lifetime…and the recent events and thoughts let me know what a beautiful life I have, even with some challenging situations. To say I desire a break for awhile…for some peace of mind and calm… well, I do have this in my form of things.

Today, I heard a childhood friend suddenly transitioned and leaving some questions for his family and friends, all being in a bit of a shock about this. Thoughts go to the family, so strong in connection and now…a missing piece. Thoughts of growing up and watching siblings fighting and laughing, complaining to their mom and lots of other memories flood my mind and I take stock of this fun bizarre story of mine to heart. I have a deeper appreciation for all the friendly strangers that I have some kind of connection with and I can only thank them all for letting me be apart of their story and a part of mine for whatever reason.

Throughout my journey, I hit some blocks that makes me rethink what I am doing and ask some questions that make me push forward regardless of the growing panic inside of me. At times, the panic was overwhelming and things didn’t fall into place so I stopped and got stuck during the last nine years. I had this longing and yearning to move and I instead just traveled for a bit and returned to the home base of Tucson. The safer route.

Now I am breaking free, so I am selling items, renting the house and moving north to the Phoenix area though I know this is not my final stopping point. I have no clue where that is, nor what I am going to do… and I can only go with the flow at this juncture; making up for all the whispering voices telling me to move on from this place that I didn’t. I froze and I paid for this. Now with the shifting energies, things are so uncomfortable I want to crawl out of my skin with scream frenzy. Yet I sit here, typing with that peaceful calm feeling of truth within my heart. This got empowered even more with the friend dying at the same age as me.

So I now push forward with the plan of no plans and with a prayer of the angels that I know surround me. They are those whispering voices that have kicked my butt lovingly to move into hyper drive to clean out a house that I have lived in for the last 24 years… challenging and figuring out what I can fit into my car and left the rest behind. I go so far and then something stops me. Things haven’t been selling, though I know they all will soon… Jupiter out of retrograde will help this. “Only the best” is my saying for so many years and now I am letting go of much of those beautiful things that comprised my life since my divorce in 2000. Lessons learned and now I write more in my journal about this time of change for me. Interesting how people react and some don’t. Denial can be a beautiful blessing for a while. I know through my own experience with this. Now denial doesn’t do it and facing the creation brings the truth of whom and what I am into focus…sharp focus. Good stuff that takes me to another panic… the good kind of excitement of the unknown. Blessings await no more. Not that they were really waiting for me. I am so very blessed and I count them like I do the stars many nights. Like each of you… you are one of those shining stars in the night sky, guiding me in some way and form… a blessing to see and know in the great wide open spaces of life. Time to continue my dance with a new step and move… the music in my heart is getting louder and harder to resist. A good thing indeed.